On April 15th, 2019 I walked into my gym and paused in front of the television, stunned to see the images of Notre Dame Cathedral in flames. It was such a disturbing sight because it is easy to assume buildings like Notre Dame will stand for eternity. After all, they are a particular form of … Read More
“As a military wife, I have an incredibly difficult time using the term PTSD because when I see it or hear it, I automatically think of those men and women in combat who have experienced things that I can’t even imagine.” Katie Banks was responding to my inquiry about whether she thinks she has Post-traumatic … Read More
Dear Vice President Biden, I met you last week after a rally in Kingston, NY. You were there in support of Antonio Delgado, who is running for congress in the NY 19th. I sat in the front row of the rally when you spoke. My tiny almost eight-year old daughter, Esmé, sat on my lap, … Read More
Her cough has been lingering for a time. When we started moving in the car, Esmé nodded off, head forward–still sleepy from her nap. So it took me a bit to realize that she was now slumped forward, having brought up a bunch of mucus. I notice the glint of it as my eyes scanned … Read More
We Roll Sorting through old videos, I spy toddler Esmé. As I watch, I find myself freezing, my own muscles tensing as I watch her move. On the screen 18-month-old Esmé, who couldn’t sit up unsupported, rolls in slow motion, her will overpowering her uncooperative body. At some point she started traveling across the expanse … Read More
Learning to Ask Questions Over the years of being Esmé’s mom, writing about our family’s life here and elsewhere, and joining communities of writers, parents, and those touched by disability, I have learned a lot. The lessons are too many to expound upon here, now. However, I do want to focus on one of these … Read More
This week for Finish the Sentence Friday, I was tasked with writing about 10 things most people don’t know about me. Since I have made it a habit to write about my life on the internet, there isn’t a whole lot about me that I want people to know that I haven’t already written about… … Read More
The other day there was an ambulance coming, lights spinning, down our street. I knew better, of course, but for a moment I thought they were coming for us. Involuntarily, I glanced at Esmé, playing in the next room, half expecting to see her needing to be rescued. Instead her slender body balanced on hands … Read More
It has been ages since I have written here, or, really anywhere. The last four months feel like they had the air sucked out of them. Esmé has been sick with a series of mysterious daily fevers, coming-and-going full-body rash, and constant fatigue. No one seems to be able to unravel it all, but the … Read More
I hold up a pair of pants in front of Esmé. “Do you like these, Ez?” She looks at them for a beat, places her hands on her wheels, turning just slightly away from me (and the pants), and pronounces, clear as a bell, “Ah, dunt.” I don’t. Moments later, she repeats the scene with … Read More