On the Border: Finish the Sentence Friday

February 24, 2017My Story 6 Comments

Some days I live on the border between my daughter and myself—reaching across, hoping to grab ahold of her, to understand. Some days I am certain I will never understand. *** I stood at the places that remain of the wall in Berlin. It was only in standing there that I understood that what we … Read More

Fire Alarm: Burning Anger and 45

February 10, 2017My Story 5 Comments

I am on fire. I leap forward immediately, pulling my pants off in one fast gesture, screaming, “No, no, no.” I yell out other words I cannot remember beyond the taste of them in my mouth, the feeling of them spewing out without my permission, without any conscious thought. I look toward Esmé, who remains … Read More

Blessings

August 4, 2016My Story 11 Comments

This week I was tasked to write about blessings. Normally I feel like I’d have very little trouble writing about this topic. I’d sit and think about the weight of Esmé in my arms at night as she drifts off to sleep over my shoulder. And somehow, I’d leap from there, finding myself wrapping the … Read More

Chicago Ferris Wheel

July 14, 2016My Story 9 Comments

Last Friday I got on a plane and flew to Chicago meet my foundation partner and dear, dear friend Juliann. We had what amounted to a day and a half together. But, as is usual for us, our time seemed to expand into something far bigger. Juliann and I have known each other for only … Read More

It’s Always Been Me

July 6, 2016My Story 3 Comments

It’s Always Been Me I’d guess that some of you might be a wee bit surprised to have landed here on this page. I keep imagining you, former reader from the Cute Syndrome Blog, clicking the link to your favorite post (Which is probably this one. Or this one? Maybe this one?) expecting to see my … Read More

The things we know

July 1, 2016My Story 6 Comments

My teacher asks with his eyes before reaching out to adjust my stance. I nod. He kicks at my foot, turning my toes. He lifts and pushes my hand in place, closer to my face. Stepping back he mirrors my body. “Like this,” he says as his fist hooks, deliberately, elbow up. “Again. Watch my … Read More

When I close my eyes.

June 23, 2016My Story 19 Comments

  When I close my eyes I see the haunted places inside of me. That sounds frightening, I suppose. But it isn’t. Or at least it isn’t as frightening as it might be. The haunted places inside me are at once beautiful and terrifying—illuminated, fiercely. When I close my eyes I find those luminous places … Read More