Listening

My hubby and I have spent so much time focusing on “listening” to Ezzy. Since she can’t speak  or sign, and many of her forms of communication are pretty subtle, we are constantly tuned in. There is the little jig dance she does when she needs the potty. The teeth-grinding when she might want to try to eat orally. The “shh” sound she makes when she wants to sleep but feels over-stimulated. The way she pats you when she wants to be patted.

And then there is all of he stuff we sort of, sometimes understand: The sound of Maman (“Mahmah”) verus more (muhmuhmuh), for instance.

And, finally, there is the boat load of things we have no idea about.

The other day after a friend commented on a video of Ez in her new crawler. She noted that when Ezzy was getting frustrated, she put her head on the floor. I said, “Pick up your head Ez.” And Ez picked up her head. Just like that.

In reading her comment it dawned on me that I don’t often think about how much Ezzy listens to and responds to us. I mean, sure, I think about the cognitive notion of “receptive language skills” and I think about not watching inappropriate television shows in front of her and I know she listens to me and responds to my feelings. But we don’t engage in much of the typical baby/toddler play that involves telling a child to do something and them doing it. Partially this is because, plain and simple, there are very few instances in which Ezzy has to listen to me for safety reasons. She is never really out of arms reach. She can’t take off and run into the street…

It also has to do with my not wanting her to feel as though she is disappointing me if she can’t do something. Because I know she knows when I am asking something of her and I can’t bear the thought that she would worry about not being able to do what I asked. I ask things of her, but I don’t test her boundaries regularly. And I don’t really take stock of them or “show them off” in the typical ways–in fact, I purposefully don’t take stock of them or show them off.

And it occurred to me that I might not be listening to her as well as I thought. She wants more independence…she wants to prove her abilities. One of those abilities is listening to us. So we tested some boundaries. Yesterday, when prompted Esmé (1) patted her belly, (2) stopped rolling into something so I could help her around it, (3) allowed me to help take turns pretty thoroughly brushing her teeth, (4) stuck out her tongue, (5) helped pull her shirt on and off over her head, (6) came to her Maman in her gait trainer, and (7) pointedly put her feet on the ground when she was sitting on the potty, to indicate she was “all done.” All of these things happened within seconds of my asking her She also put her self to sleep in her crib after an hour or so for nap and “night-night” with zero tears. Together with pushing buttons, selecting images, and rolling to specific items, these were things I knew she could do. But putting them all together like this, seeing everything she can do, was astounding.

As she gains mobility I know that these abilities will continue to grow and change as she puts distance (physically, emotionally, intellectually) between herself and us.

…Now to teach her “no.”