I just read a lovely post A Mother’s Day Letter for a Special Needs Mom it was an imagined Mother’s Day letter written from the perspective of a non-verbal child to his or her mother.
Yeah, yeah, I got misty-eyed.
But it made me think, I wonder what my girl would say to me for Mother’s Day? I know she is a bit of a smart Alec, so she would certainly rib me a little.
As I thought about it–I mean really thought about it–I realized that as much as I sometime joke/attempt/guess at what Ezzy “says” in her head, what she wants to tell me for Mother’s Day isn’t in words.
For someone who is incredibly verbal (and wordy) learning Esmé’s language has been a challenge. I talk to her a lot, which is great, I know, for her comprehension. But increasingly I try to be with her, read her body and face. Listen. It is like I was once told about the difference between prayer and meditation. All my talking to Esmé is like prayer–asking of her to understand me, to meet me on my terms. And that is wonderful, and necessary. But it is also full of ego. Now I am trying the practice of listening to what is, who she is, more. But it can be a challenge.
And this is what she wants to tell me for Mother’s Day:
The vibration of her abdomen, head thrown back, just before she makes an audible giggle.
The line that forms in underside of her upper lip when she makes her sneaky funny way-too-big-for-my-face smile.
The way she softly touches my cheek (often right before sticking her finger in my ear, nose, and/or mouth).
The poetry of her fingers dancing, exploring–moving separately, miraculously.
The dance of a too-heavy toy over her head, balancing with feet and hands.
The annoyance of my vision turned to my phone.
The weight of her body in the crook of my arm.
The self-assured turn of a boardbook page.
The pleasure of my voice sharing a room with her.
The pop of a bubble.
The frustration of a comb going through her hair.
The splash of her feet in the bathwater.
The look that sees all of you, just you, just as you are…and does nothing more than love.