Yesterday

Yesterday I was sitting in Panera working like crazy on my dissertation defense presentation–which is now five days away–and my cell rang. Someone was calling from my house.

Ezzy was home with her longtime nurse…who pretty rarely has questions for me when she is watching Ez. Now, Ezzy has been having pretty significant pain (which we assume, based on the large number of stones in her kidneys and no other obvious issues, is kidney pain). We had a bit of relief for a the better part of three days, but I could tell pretty quickly from the tone of the nurse’s voice…and the sound Ezzy was making in the background that the pain was probably back.

And indeed it was. Ez apparently cried a ton out of nowhere and then held her breath…and then she had a small seizure.

It has been awhile since she had a seizure…and while it was actually the lesser concern compared to her kidney pain, every seizure is like a kick in the teeth. Every one raises a question of if there will be a ton of other seizures on its heels…if her meds are not working anymore…if we will see new types of seizures.

And so, with the news of the seizure, I started crying there in the middle of Panera. Mind you it was subtle…I think I said “Oh shit, ok, I’ll be right there.” And put my head in my hand for a second before I started to pack up my computer.

There were two women sitting at a table across from me. One of them was facing me and as I stood up, she looked at me very kindly and said, simply, “Are you ok?” I said that I was. But asked that she watch my things so I could go to the bathroom (I did need a minute to collect myself, I think). When I came back she asked again, “Are you sure you are ok?” I told her that my daughter is medically fragile and just had a seizure, and while I was certainly used to it, it is upsetting every time. And then she very genuinely asked if I was certain I was ok to drive myself. I said I was–and thanked her for being so thoughtful and kind.

I was fine–just frustrated and tired and fed-up. But there have been times that I have gotten calls like this and not been “ok” and utterly alone. There have been times that I have had to call my husband and tell him news that was by no means “ok” when he didn’t have support right there. And it occurs to me how many of us have found ourselves in this position of being publicly alone and not “ok.” What a tremendous kindness this woman displayed in making sure that a total stranger was “ok”

Having Ezzy as a daughter has seemed to bring a never-ending stream of kindness into our lives…from our friends, family, acquaintances, and total strangers…and while we have also had the unfortunate experience of the opposite as well, it is the kindnesses that we choose to focus on…and hope to return in whatever ways we can. So, thank you lady in Panera…I promise to pay that kindness forward.