If you were sent here by Scary Mommy, welcome! (All, uh, thousands of you! I’m like 70% sure the blog won’t break from all the traffic, so, please, get comfortable!) Allow me to make some introductions. This is my daughter, Esmé, a.k.a. The Cute. I’m Hillary, Esmé’s Maman (that’s French for Mom). … Read More
Every spring I can’t wait for the lilacs to bloom. It is a thing for me–a sign that spring is truly here. It always seems as if the smell of lilacs can animate a place. It is as if the yard feels flat and incomplete until it fills up with lilac fragrance. Then, and only … Read More
Once, a long long time ago…last weekend…my mother gave me a vintage traveling cocktail set. The gift really blew my mind. Mom said, “I thought you could use it as a prop in some of your photos. I doubt you can use it for actually mixing.” To which I replied, “Nay, mother, nay. I shall … Read More
Esmé is a born dancer. All her life she’s been excited by the music she loves–which is a whole lot of music–and calmed by the music she really, really loves–like the Muppets and the Small Potatoes. Music has always moved her…even when she could barely move. Here she is a four months old, unable to … Read More
Yesterday a post I wrote appeared on the Boston Children’s Hospital Blog Thriving. The post was about Mother’s Day. As I worked on the post I dug through old photos from Esmé’s hospital stay around my first Mother’s Day, and I had a somewhat startling visceral response to what I found. Have you ever looked … Read More
There are violets growing all over my yard right now. Seeing them reminded me of the candied violets my mother and father brought back from the trip they took to Paris when I was five. (Interestingly, my mom won this trip in a Meryl Streep look-alike contest…true story. They look eerily much alike.) Back to … Read More
I get a lot of requests from friends to do posts on Ezzy’s fashion and hair, because, let’s be honest, the kid is a sharp dresser. Yesterday she and I spent a particularly lovely spring day together. As usual I spent some time snapping photos of our time together–and it just so happens that I … Read More
Tomorrow marks the five-year anniversary of Esmé’s cardiorespiratory arrest. Today we spent a beautiful day together. We snuggled this morning. We went for a beautiful walk in the spring sun. We sat in the grass by the river. I listened to the sound of her snorting giggle as she played. Later she fell asleep over … Read More
I picked up a new set of glasses at a lovely little antique store in Cambridge, NY over the weekend. I saw the glasses in the case and proceeded to walk distractedly around the store planning the drinks I could serve in them. I figured this must be a sign that the glasses … Read More
The anniversary is looming. In just over a week it will be the five years since Esmé’s cardiorespiratory arrest. Another year has gone by and still, still there is part of me that feels as if it was only yesterday. I find it incredibly difficult to explain the extent to which I struggle in the days … Read More